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Saturday, February 4th, 2006
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it makes me mad, or sad i havent decided, that over the past week i have recieved more bullshit phone calls and ridiculous text messages about certain circumstances that have been for however long--
no matter how unreasonable and crazy it must seem.... its not. at all. if you have no idea, than dont pretend to know. if you dont care about me, than leave me alone. i know you people dont care, it shows, and doesnt bother me in the slightest, so please. let it be. leave me be. dont feel the need to be the almighty one who HOOFUCKINGRAY saves my entire life because GOD KNOWS im fucking it all up. because youre not sincere, or genuine, you dont care, you just enjoy the show. you would have thought i might have needed this before, not during or after, even if whats going on is NOTHING AT ALL.
i dont need you to tell me who i am.
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Wednesday, February 1st, 2006
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if you think its so pathetic
then why are you fucking reading it?
i fucking hate STUPID PEOPLE.
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Friday, December 23rd, 2005
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i am LOVIN this week like a mother. well besides a couple of bad moods, its been fucking aweosme. today is actually friday but like late night, well early morning, anyways, it was my moms birthday, which was already in my journal- but it was so cute. kristina smith awesomely let me save on this beautiful rose bouquet (?) and i had this spiffy card and it was adorable. made me cake, but got a headache from all the sugar in it, and other than that.... hm.... I GOT A NEW PHONE [5195048 still].... AND CAMERA [8 megapixels NIGGA... i pretend i know what that means, but it doesnt even matter i love it]! fucking amazing day. so we went to the palisades and this man at circuit city where i got the camera, i swear to god on my life he GAVE US an extra 512 memory card!?! and GAVE US this whole kit and case, it was ridiculous!!! i mean, this was hardcore stealing, and i didnt even [have to? haha] do it. and then me and my sister went around and she said she liked a couple things... i got them... and she was funny. good sentence. then we came home and these two cds we had.... AWESOME GOOD TIMES. dinner, headache cake and then met up with melissa for a bit and she and i shared a bat, good moods, and she gave me christmas presents! heheh!! and i absolutely want to have a birthday bash all of a sudden.
UGH! such a good day. love it. LOVE IT. now all i need is HOT LOVIN! haha thats a joke...
no its not.
NEW PHOTOBUCKETS A COMIN. better be ready.
ps- california dreamin {REMIX} <33333 on repeat. SUCH A GOOD DAY.
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Thursday, December 22nd, 2005
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i just illegally went to walmart to buy eggs.....
and while my cake bakes, i bring this good news to you.
and if thats not cool.... I DONT KNOW WHAT IS.
im in a good mood, let it be.
happy birthday to my mommy.
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i suggest doing this, the quick caption thing it gives of yourself, its crazy, i loved it, haha. not a total waste of time.
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Saturday, December 17th, 2005
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| Time: | 3:05 am. |
| Mood: |  the lemon yawns.. |
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i already updated but i wanted to tell you this before i passed out- THINGS ARE LOOKIN GOOD. and im happy. and i saw king kong with two wonderful gentlemen, haha, and went to the palisades mall twice today, both times were worth my while, and i might get a beautiful camera! and im just plain excited. one week (and one day) until christmas and it still doesnt feel like... the season. things are going to be good. thats all i wanted to say, more actually that i wanted to tell myself i guess. WELL. goodnight.
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Friday, December 16th, 2005
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hah i would have to say the highlight of my day (so far) would be the conversation my dad and i had about how the two new ferrets makes the majority of sexes male in the house (that doesnt seem right the way i describe, haha, i mean there are more guys than girls now)... i said no way bc all the fishies could be all girls and he said yeah theyre not reproducin, theyre probably all lesbians, fricken with all the rest of the world. MADE ME CHUCKLE.
i want to go shopping.
EEE! and pretty cool news, under fucked up circumstances, if my grandfathers brother dies, i might be going to ireland! whooooo!
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Sunday, December 11th, 2005
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i had a spectacular couple of days. from robbing multiple places (multiple times), to the hottest and best spent time and money of a drug deal, to going outside with 12 inches of snow (no shoes [and] no service), cards, bags, cheese nips, excitment over the use of a half a table, to the good plain fun throughout the whole time, visits, 220/140? hahaha (that one still makes me laugh), to waking up early enough to clean AND get out of the lie, (ps!- THE TRUNK, t.b.'s, bloint, n&t [20 minutes later... AND THE PRAYERS]). smile.
and then theres the step back, i wish some people just werent in my life- period. i can understand what comes around goes around, but what came? i FUCKING HATE these narcissistic (characteristic of those having an inflated idea of their own importance, lack of empathy, and [un/]conscious deficits in self-esteem) faggots (general term) all around, few do i find who are really in it just for the laughs, its making me irate... and thats a strong word.
but i still had fun. and my dad just called from my grandmas and we had an actual conversation and it was good. lifes swell.
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Thursday, December 8th, 2005
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im in a really good mood. today was a really normal day, but it was good. im still failing at life, but i feel like i can get back on track. i got now and then from stop and shop, awesome. i also got conditioner that i cannot wait to use- only because i just want to take a shower right now. things are going to be good, they have to be. definatly. shower, (ice cream- shh), sleep, half day tomorrow, those are my favorites, haha. by the way, im happily gaining my annual 40 pound winter fat!! hoooray. just kidding, but its getting there... haaaaa
and, well, it made me smile, thats all i guess, just the thought, made me smile. so thanks.
ps- ridiculous is spelled ridiculous, yeah...
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Tuesday, December 6th, 2005
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I have been having the most INSANELY random dreams lately, ill wake up remembering bits and pieces and have that weird distorded mood for a little, and forget them entirely. i didnt go to school monday, and im probably not going to go in five hours, and i still havent made up work, and i still dont have a reason to justify that... so sorry (sarcasm is DRIPPING if you didnt know) that im causing such a worriment, this is my problem, ill deal with it, you havent cared, dont care now, dont pretend to, so thats been on mind. hearing about yourself, one person to another, to you (if you can follow)... is hilarious. dont think for more than a second you can rely on something, i guess. this hole, im not even digging it for myself anymore, its just there, untouched. im just... static, if that makes sense (in context). haha, but dont worry, i can just say things are going to miraculously be just splendid, and then ill believe it. an unremitting dislike of what ive done. <3. haaaaaaaaa!
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Friday, December 2nd, 2005
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| Time: | 5:42 am. |
| Mood: | super!. |
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well i can gladly stay up for another thirty minutes, make my hair pretty and go to school, a wonderful half day of statistics, government, literature through film, and sociology. dammit, that just made me think i really should go. i couldnt sleep, i read party monster front to back, again, just because it seemed like the most interesting thing to do.
so i havent died, ive never been told that people thought i was dead, so thats a first, odd. but! thanks for wondering, HA., people make me... laugh. i guess this has been more of a vacation than anything, just in the worst way (?)... anyways, i guess im going to be getting ready for school now. its been a while.
make sure to throw me off the nearest cliff, thanks a million.
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Thursday, December 1st, 2005
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random cameras i found and developed, made me laugh. and it turns out there was a picture of us five. its december. whoa. thursdays used to be my favorite day of the week, haha.
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Wednesday, November 30th, 2005
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its funny what angers me. i keep trying to believe this isnt my life, because it cant be, because im not me. on a lighter note, i watched mr and mrs smith today, and i was very upset about how much of a bitch brad pitt was during that "intense" sex scene, where he throws her up against all sorts of walls, i guess you really cant have everything, when you already have everything, it makes sense to me. ive been really... nostalgic lately. every time i look at a clock, something clicks and i remember a stupid time, when i look at something, anything really, a memory will be there, i see all sorts of pictures, new and old, and i realize how many people have just come and go. thats funny too. everyone i know, i dont know. everyone i knew, i dont know. about a month (36 days but whos counting, well i just counted) til my birthday and thats cute. i remember seeing that big stupid globe at stop and shop with the snow man and santa inside and thinking its not even close to christmas.... and now it is, and... im not excited. haha. im thinking about going back to stop and shop just because it seems like the easiest (and most convinient) thing to do. i wish this year wasnt this year, or that it never existed at all. i wish i didnt meet the people i met, change the way i did, fuck up the way i have. but i guess thats all in the wash and life is life and its the way it is. and one of these days, even if i say i truely have, im going to realize this is my life. this is my life. who would have thought.
hahahahaha.
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Sunday, November 27th, 2005
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i forgot how much i loved the breakfast club. hehe.
oh, and a parade went by my house?..... welcome to texas, we love football.
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Monday, November 21st, 2005
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i know im just shutting myself out- but i cannot seem to get out of this... i want to say mood but its so much more than that. i hate school bc i dislike where and what i have got myself into. i truely thought that things were better- but its just fake. everything is so fake and its fucking making me so mad. and being upset only makes me more upset and i am SO FRUSTRATED with my life and i cannot seem to change anything and when i try to... it seems wrong. OH MY FUCKING GOD. i fucking hate that this is what my life has become, but i have no idea- how do you change EVERYTHING? feeling sorry for myself is the easiest i guess. haha. ive still got my happy face, it never fails.
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walmart calls and says i have pictures there that i need to pick up. i go to get them and who are they of? cannot be more coincidental....
UGH IM SO FUCKING LONELY.
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Thursday, November 17th, 2005
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i just wanted to let all of you read this bc its FUCKING AWESOME.
free sytle to kick all your asses:
this is fa all yall who dont know me,, i aint one of those kids that likes to ride a pony. aint a phony talk shit il beat u with yard stick of peporoni so u think u hard lets step so u can show me
yea so what i suck at school but i aint no fuckin fool so go ahead and test me im like the perfect tool for the job wen I grow up ima b rich and not a snob you'll b sitin b-hind a restataunt eatn corn off the cob out of a garbage can- now'a'days u runin your mouth sayin o....o..o.. im sucha man boy please u aint even got a plan wen it comes to this earth and i had one since the day after my birth
so ill beat ur face if u run ur mouth think im jokin well ur wrong cuz im from the south
the famous C-TOWN the crown of texas
we be so rich we dont want no lexus
by: james anderson baker aka TEXXXXXXXXXXX
(copyright to him bithes)
that made me smile just a little bit more :)
hahaha. who thought slightly bipolar could be this much fun- HAHA.
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Sunday, November 13th, 2005
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she screamed but i laughed, t=it is si ridiculously hard to speoll with this keyboard even though i told you it was ewsy before, dammit trying to hit the space bar every tiume, but anyways me and my sister and these other two peope met up with : (trying to remember any maes whatsoever) DAN had the weed, KYLE gave me abd christin A couple of ICE LOUGE shots, a couple doubles and couple singles, emily gave me sokme beber and then friend #2 gave me some, then a cuple of weirdl, my sister is under the drawer, i laughed so hard i laughed like q migdget, my sistr sqys ANDRE youre beinjgn annopyong,goodnight :))))))))) FUCKKKKK.bostgon is s=awersome. shiut sorry. razzzzzzz is favvvvfastic. <33333333333333331131`111!!!!!
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Saturday, November 12th, 2005
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hehe im in boston and im so fucking happy that i came here. not only is my sister fucking awesome and we have been getting along so well, but its so much fun here. and even when youre not having fun, there is so much to doits ridiculous. the train/train/bus/train/train here wasnt even that bad and i didnt get lost (hooray) and i talked to a crack head on the way, which never ceases to amuse me. my sister has this boy she hangs out with a lot, and i hope i hope they... its cute, but not even in that way because bad things might come from me even saying that bc girlfriends/boyfriends for them both. i really like this laptop too, its so easy to type on, hahahaha well you can obviously see that im in the best mood in the world. i woke up so early and i couldnt goback to sleep, so i went to the little market on the corner and bought some of my favorite things in the world : FRUIT PUNCH, bagel chips (garlic no less!!!), beeferoni (its kind of more of an inside joke with my sister but lunch is neccessary.. haha), and a fruit salad for my sister bc i think she likes them (hope). OMG. and me and christina went to the all american rejects and rooney opened for them, and minus having no air to breath (and a panic attack maybe) IT WAS AWESOME. andi didnt even want to bring a pack with me but it turns out alcohol makes EVERYONE want to smoke. haha. we also played poker, but pokers the same everywhere, i had so many chips but christina asked me to lose so that we could leave, but then i just fucking won again. hahahaha. IM HAVING SO MUCH FUN WITH MY SISTER AND I LOVE IT. im so happy i came, i really am. im going to have to come back home, do ALLLL the homework i still have not done, and is 1st quarter over already?! i hope not. i really wanted to go to the city for the big c, but i love boston. we walked everywhere and i didnt even care, its FUCKING WORTH IT. i dont know if im going to come back today or tomorrow, it costs sooo much money to come :( well like forty something but still. i dont want to fucking come back. ugh. it goes to show, sadness is enviromentally influenced. i dont want to come back to HARRIMAN YAYY which is kind of sad, but never more true. one of christinas roomates (well theres like a suite so they call it, everyone either has their own room or shares with one other person but then theres a lounge and a kitchen and bathroom [its really cute]) walked into the bathroom, im just sitting here, but she was so nice. hahahahahahahahahaha we had to walk over this bridge of death and my sister was warning me dont even make eyecontact and stuff and DONT TALK TO PEOPLE ON THE STREETS LIKE YOU DO. im so happy i came, im so happy me and my sister are awesome too. :)))))) i know this is just stupid, but i really wish this year never happened at all. thatd be nice. and, haha, i have to master not giggling when. HEHEHE. oh god. IM SO HAPPY.
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Wednesday, November 9th, 2005
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haha i read this and loved it. Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.
and then i come up with this garbage underneath.
today was the most... awkward day of my life. first, appointment of the eye and got new glasses. went shopping kind of with my mom to waste some time and then went to another appointment. only this one, was the devil. then another appointment for some blood. then me and my mom went to see shopgirl (such a cute movie, the guy who borrows a condom from the neighbor, he is the cutest in the world and i love him) to waste some more time, my life revolved around middletown today. then dr. stanely goldstein, to tell me what a depressed little girl i am. but medication only causes long term problems, so.... i dont understand how a person can honestly feel better by just telling someone about whats going on, how dicussing why youre angry is going to make you... not angry? i know, when im happy, im fucking happy, and when im not, i seriously hate the world. so i come home like i wasnt even gone, and maybe, just maybe, thats why. no one cares. and if they do, its not genuine. except a couple. and that word means two. i fucking hate this life ive made myself. it sucks. i cant help but think of how happy i used to be, all the time, and im not anymore, and that just makes me more sad. but, im just in a rut, the biggest rut in the world.
and by the way... MY cell phone is still at the monroe diner. but not YOURS, no not yours.
(QUESTION MARK)
there is one though, that i must say thank you to. thank you, so much.
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ref1nnej's journal
stuFUCKINGpendous.